Author: Mark Liskey

In 1993 I was in dumps. I was working for a chiropractor and I wanted to work for myself, but I knew that I didn’t have enough massage clients to take the leap.

I was stuck and ready to give up.

But I had two people in my life who challenged me to face the things that were actually preventing me from doing what was necessary to going out on my own.

As I started to face the challenges I felt VERY uncomfortable and, OMG, did I want to go back to where I was miserable–but at least safe.

However, I didn’t and, damn, if I didn’t launch my business!

[bctt tweet=”You’re gonna be uncomfortable BUT at the end of the day you’ll be working for yourself. ” username=”Mark LiskeyMarkLiskey”]

My Pokers

When you’re feeling bad about yourself and the situation that you’re in it’s natural to move away from those uncomfortable feelings.

But a lot of the times it’s facing those uncomfortable feelings that help us grow.

Lucky for me, Lisa, my wife (girlfriend at the time), and my friend, John, a personal trainer, were good at poking me.

Every time I gave a reason as to why I couldn’t go out on my own, they countered with a question or an idea.

I Have $0 To Start  a Business

My number one reason for not going out on my own was that I didn’t have enough money to rent a place.

This was absolutely true.

But when John pushed for more information, I had to admit that I hadn’t looked for alternative rent options.

John had a suggestion.

He had been referring clients to me at the chiropractor’s office for a while and he suggested that I see his client Sybil, a person I’d known for years but never seen as a client, at my apartment.

This made me uncomfortable and I initially passed on the idea.

For one, I had no idea how to make my office look like a massage room.  

I had told Lisa about John’s suggestion and she torpedoed that objection by  volunteering to make sure that my office would seamlessly double as a massage room.

Hmm…back to the objections drawing board.

I Don’t Want to Work for Free!

Having cleared the first objection hurdle, I was starting to feel really uncomfortable.

Lisa revved up the poking (like all good partners do) and I discovered another fear of mine: I hated setting prices and collecting money.

And this was a big.

Prior to massage I had a small gardening business.

During that time I always undervalued my service and never raised my rates.

Can you say, Markie resented his customers because he felt like they were taking advantage of him?

Oh no, I was going to be working for practically free again!

Another Solution

But when I faced this fear Lisa helped me figure out a price that seemed fair to me.

Then John told Sybil (and any future client who he would refer to me) how much the massage would cost.

Now it was less likely that I would cave and discount my massage when it came time to collecting the money.

Even with all their help, I was still uneasy when Sybil came to my home office for a massage.

But that changed when she paid me the price I was asking.

Stay On It

For most of us staying being in the discomfort zone is not our normal default state.

Even now, 20+ years into private practice, I still avoid things that make me uneasy.

For instance, I have no problem collecting money from clients, but promoting my business remains a challenge.

Here’s a fairly recent example. We officially opened our new business, PressurePerfect, about 4 years.

During the first year I had been contacting local businesses that could potentially be good business partners, like chiropractors, personal trainers and yoga studios.

And I had made contact with April, a key person in a local running store, via email.

Email was my go-to way to contact people because I was comfortable with it.

April and I had exchanged numerous emails about doing potential events together, but nothing materialized.

It was frustrating, but instead of actually going to the store and looking for another way in, something I wasn’t comfortable with, I gave up.

I Wasted Time

About a year later when I was doing demo massages at a chiropractor’s office a patient of the chiropractor told me to talk to Casey, the manager of the running store, instead of April.

I started to email Casey, but then I realized that it was time to make myself uncomfortable.

So, I walked into his store and introduced myself. We hit it off and by the time I left Casey and I had set up a massage event at his store. 

Once again making myself uncomfortable paid off.

Are You Uncomfortable Enough?

If you’ve been dreaming about working for yourself but feel stuck, it might be time to get uncomfortable.

Here’s a quick way to start:

1. Write down the things about starting a massage business that make you feel uncomfortable.
2. Pick the top one.
3. Find a person(s) who can help keep you in the discomfort zone (like Lisa and John did with me).
4. Then get uncomfortable. 

Tackle that number one thing and don’t give up until you’ve experienced at least one win (with me it was Sybil paying me for my first “official” private practice massage).

My bet is that once you experience a win, you won’t want to give up.

Need more help getting uncomfortable?

Check out my free how to get you massage business off the ground course: Jumpstart.

Sign up below for my email group to get my latest info. It’s free:-)

How do you start a massage business?

First, you need a business plan…wait…is that what you really need right now?

Because that’s a checklist.

And if you want a checklist, go here and have at it.

Or do you need to stay motivated when trying to accomplish the tasks necessary to starting a massage practice?

If it’s motivation you need, try this: Pain.

What about pain?

Remember it.

It can help you stay on track to addressing habits and behaviors that are holding you back from starting your massage business.

Here’s how using the memory of pain has worked for me.

Self-Help in the ‘80s

In my 20’s I was a self-help book junkie.

The overall message I got from all the reading was that pain and negative emotions were bad.

And that’s how I moved through life: I avoided memories that were painful.

That seemed to work for a while, but the funny thing about pain is that unless you remember the painful situations, you’re probably going to repeat them or continue to be stuck in them.

That’s exactly what happened to me.

Then, at some point I went in the opposite direction.

Instead of avoiding pain, I wallowed in it.

Wallowing produced some esoteric poetry that no one really got except me.

Oh, and it produced one more thing: More wallowing.

So I avoided pain, then wallowed in pain. 

Can you say hot mess?

But my hot mess story doesn’t end here.

You remember that I’m self-help junkie, right? And self-help junkies don’t give up on themselves that easy.

Here’s what I accidentally discovered as I crawled my way out of the wallowing period: If I dosed myself with painful memories I could keep on track to changing a habit or behavior that was preventing me from accomplishing a goal.

Enter the Better Husband Project.

Better Husband Project

The biggest mistake that I’ve made in my relationship with my wife, Lisa, is thinking that I understood myself when I actually didn’t.

Me not knowing me led to miscommunication (no communication), misunderstanding and misrepresentation.

I know, that’s a lot of mis-es.

And it all culminated on our 10th year wedding anniversary.

I so wanted the 10th to be a home run because with the 9th I had put no effort into showing that I cared.

So, guess what I did?

Yep, nothing.

I even shocked myself.

How could this happen?

I did the deep dive into my emotions and thinking and I came up with what I thought to be the answers.

But here’s the thing, I had done that part before.

And when I looked back at my partner-report-card having answers hadn’t netted me A’s and B’s.

In fact, I was barely passing, and, sadly, sometimes failing.

Why?

Because somewhere along the way I became disconnected to my motivation to change (or create) a behavior/habit.

Quite frankly, looking back at my past performance and looking ahead into the future after the 10th-year-anniversary-NOT scared the poop out of me.

I hadn’t been able to make a substantial change then, what made me think I could do it now?

So, this time I added two new things.

First, it was pretty obvious that I couldn’t count on just me to keep myself accountable.

So, I asked Lisa and a talk therapist to help me with that.

Then I wrote down everything associated with my desire to be a better husband—especially the painful and sad events that led me to wanting to make a change.

No Recall of Pain, No Gain

As I worked on stuff I found myself automatically going back to my notes describing the painful events.

When I did I’d feel the sadness all over again. Immediately, the sadness would strengthen my conviction to never ever create that situation again.

It soon became apparent to me that if I wanted to stay on track to being a better husband, I needed to recall the painful events on a regular basis.

Celebrate the Small Victories

I also observed that there was a downside to reconnecting to the painful events: It shook my confidence.

That was a slippery slope because I needed confidence to keep the vision of success alive.

So, as I worked the plan and saw myself make progress, even if it was something small, I’d pat myself on the back.

Once I did, my confidence returned.

How did it all turn out?

Well, the Better Husband Project is an ongoing thing, but I will say this: The 11th year anniversary rocked:-) 

Change a Massage Situation

Soon after I started the Better Husband Project, I took the powerful lesson of remembering painful events and used it in my massage life.

At one point, Lisa and I each increased the size of our private practices to help fund another business we had started. And I took some clients just for the money, and I dreaded working on them.

For a while, I pulled out the therapeutic rapport and did my best to push on, but because my values and personality were so different from theirs, the mental stress eventually became unbearable.

That’s when I put the pain (of having to work on them) on paper. I went back and connected with the pain frequently so that I would continuously have the emotional drive to change the situation.

And it worked.

Because I kept lighting the emotional pilot light, I pushed myself to find ways (more writing and teaching gigs) to replace these clients and I didn’t lose any money in the process.

Start a Massage Business

Creating multiple streams of income is no different than starting a massage business in terms of staying motivated.

If you want to or are trying to start a massage business and are stuck on a task, try this’:

1. Remember and feel the painful events associated with your current work situation.

2. Write them down.

3. Recall the painful events every day.

4. When you feel yourself losing your motivation to change, go back and reread your Painful Events notes.

You’ll quickly reconnect to what’s at stake if you don’t follow through.

5. Give yourself plenty of pats on the back for each positive step you take.

My Work in Progress

I continue to make plenty of mistakes as a spouse.

And I can still fall into old, unhealthy habits, but when I do, I harness the unpleasant feelings around the situation I want to change and then I have the motivation to stay the course.

Your Work in Progress

You can use this same strategy to start and grow a massage business.

Need to talk to that wellness center about renting space per massage but you can never get around to it because of X, Y and Z?

In other words, you habitually don’t follow through, and you need to change that.

Let’s take a peek at your painful events list…

Oh, looky: Four deep tissues in a row without a break on Monday. By the way, doesn’t this happen at least once a week even though you’ve told the front desk only to schedule 2 deep pressures in a row?

Need more?

How about management giving showing you little to no respect for the work you do?

Okay, let’s not overdose you.

You get the point.

Use a therapeutic dose of pain to motivate you and to keep you moving in the right direction.

If you need external accountability ask a partner, friend or colleague.

And if you need more than that, click here.

One more thing, I have an email group.

It’s free and I’ll send you my latest info weekly.

Sign up below:-)